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Bell Tower that is. Probably not in the style of Charles Whitman, or that German soldier, ass-hat from Inglorious Basterds, but one where I rain down a storm of insults and expletives because I’m just so damned pissed off of late.

Where do I start? With the GOP’s attempt to redefine rape? With the South Dakota’s attempt to legalize murder? I can also throw in the Federal govt’s attempt to pull funding away from Planned Parenthood – again. Or do I go with the publicizing of Lara Logan’s sexual assault as a pre-emptive measure because some other a-hole of some other news agency thought it made for a great story? Or how about this despicable misogynist, Nir Rosen, who thought Logan’s experience was a humorous affair?

We’re just past Valentine’s Day and I’m not feeling the love from the men. I feel like it is open season on women and women’s’ rights, and that we’re half a step away from legalizing honor killings in this country.

Seriously dudes?? WHAT THE FUCK? I woke up today feeling like it’s not 2011 but 1918.

So here’s my 2-cents and then I’m done.

  • I am sick of the idiot men who comment about the “tragedy” of Logan’s experience and how all Muslims are evil when in this country, the United damn States of America, 1 in 6 women can expect to be raped and only 6% percent of rapist will ever serve prison time.  However, Logan wasn’t raped but sexually assaulted, not that many people, men or women, learn the difference. But here’s the fact of the matter: Logan’s assault wasn’t about religion, it was about the same damn thing assaulting a woman is always about: a man feeling free to dominate a woman simply because he fucking could.
  • We are a country of majority rule.  The majority of Americans support a woman’s right to choose. And while we’re at it, Pro-Choice does not mean Pro-Abortion. And Planned Parenthood is exactly that: an organization dedicated to the education of women and men on family planning while providing access to contraceptives. No one in this country does more to prevent unwanted pregnancies than Planned Parenthood. No other entity in this country provides low-cost, basic medical services to women than Planned Parenthood. So anyone who wants to yank their funding while damning abortion is a complete moron.
  • Abortion being “murder” is a matter of opinion, whereas killing someone who performs what is a legal activity in this country is, in fact, murder.
  • Nir Rosen, while removing the offender tweet, quitting his job, and apologizing profusely, still doesn’t get what is most disturbing about what he did. His response: “i apologize and take it back. joking with friends got out of line when i didnt want to back down. forgot twitter is not exactly private“. Whether or not it was a private conversation, whether or not you were “just making a joke”, rape and sexual assault are not hilarious frivolities, they are extreme acts of violence. And what is most horrifying about you, Nir Rosen, was that you heard a woman was raped and your very first instinct was to make a joke. I hope this event kills your career.

I’m trying to remain positive despite all this news right now. I’m trying to be thankful that I live in this country when it sucks to be a woman in about 75%  of the other places I could be living. But that being said, it isn’t always a party here either.

Men, you are all officially on my fecal roster until such time that matters improve. In the meantime, get a clue.

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I think I just caused a massive blow-up, if not a catastrophic one, between two friends who live together. A poorly timed Facebook message on my part may very well end a relationship between these two people. And while there’s plenty of other factors to at play here, it still feels like proverbial foot-in-mouth disease only in this case, it’s my fingers, a cell phone, social media, and the Internet I would have to swallow to make the metaphor work.

So, the context in which this little drama is unfolding is as follows: the couple moved into together after less than a year of dating; the girlfriend is 30 and ready for marriage, kids, what-not; the guyfriend is 21 and just beginning his new career which will likely take him over seas; girlfriend doesn’t want to move overseas; guyfriend doesn’t want marriage, kids, what-not right now and is being less than definitive in his answers to girlfriend.

These are the basics. Add to it a close cadre of friends who stay in touch and no secret remains quiet for long.

Guyfriend has been intimating that the relationship is on the rocks to a few within the cadre of friends. Girlfriend has been curiously quiet on the topic. Cadre of friends is in contact with Girlfriend via any variety of communication portals. Guyfriend has been semi-flirting on Skype with a tangential friend of the cadre. Cadre has been chastising Guyfriend over this fact, TO WHICH, Guyfriend says that Girlfriend has decided to move out.

Naturally the news ran like wild fire. In fact, it has been all morning. Me, being busy with school and all, has not been privy to this news. I receive a text to this effect, I am updated, and I send a text to Guyfriend. He doesn’t respond, so I send a Facebook message to Girlfriend.

Girlfriend responds via email in the manner of Gee-this-is-news-to-me-guess-I’m-breaking-up.

Crap! Crappity-crap-crap-crap and holy-hell-putting-out-fire-with-gasoline-crap!

So this begs the question: where is the culpability and with whom does it lie? Should I have confirmed this with Guyfriend directly? Did cadre possibly misinterpret what he said? Was this only his news to tell and disseminate at his leisure? I mean, our friends are not the kind to spread vicious gossip, so if they say Girlfriend is moving out, it is only because Guyfriend said so. And why the hell is Guyfriend saying this anyway?

We can only surmise Guyfriend was saying this to justify his less-than-honorable antics with this other girl he has been in contact with. That, or he is voicing his true feelings about his relationship and just hasn’t yet shared them with Girlfriend.

But what the eff?! He had to know we would reach out to Girlfriend!

And of course no one can get in touch with either of them. Not by phone, text, email, Facebook, Skype, Twitter, telegraph, semaphore, or smoke signals…

Technology, it’s supposed to make like easier. Only it’s easier to feel like you still live in high school and even more easy to eff up.

Effing hell…

I was just reading CNN online when I noticed an article about a court ordering two men to have their noses and ears cuts off. Obviously, a story like that makes you do a double take.

So I click on the story and as I am reading about these “poor” Pakistani men, I then get to the part of the article where the men were sentenced this very specific punishment because they committed this same act on woman.

Apparently, a young woman and her family refused an offer of marriage from a young man (maybe because they knew bad medicine when they saw it?) and in retaliation, the young man and a friend attacked the woman, strangled her, and performed this truly heinous act upon her.

It’s incredible how an opinion can turn a 180 on a situation, because while I at first exclaimed “WTF? We’re allies with these people?” as soon as I read the rest of the story, I more or less was saying “Well done! Bravo!”

Of course, if you at all follow the news, this is also coming from a country where last year three young women were beaten and buried alive for daring to choose their on husbands and three women who came to their defense were murdered as well. And four years prior to that, a woman was savagely gang raped when coming to the verbal defense of her brother falsely accused of a crime…And these are just the stories that somehow make the world media. Imagine how many are left untold?

I know, I know, turn the other cheek, and an eye for an eye makes us all blind, but here’s the thing: It pretty much sucks to be a woman on about 75% of this planet. So if a country wants to make an extreme example out of a pair misogynistic bastards who commit a horrific violent act against a woman, I am perfectly content to let them do so.

Merry effen Giftmasukah.

I was really pretty shocked to have read that Henry Louis Gates Jr., professor extraordinaire of long standing at the venerable institution Hahr-Vahrd, was arrested two days ago.

But I wasn’t shocked to have read the context and circumstances of his arrest. Sure, there’s the easy explanation of racism in America (you really will never convince me a white professor would have been treated the same way), but then there’s the even easier explanation that no one seems to be talking about and it is this: the arresting “officer” in the affair is yet another example of a douchebag cop with a Napoleon Complex.

Sure, I have no doubt the cop behaved in a racist manner, but that is an action coupled with a personality trait and that trait being that the he is yet another douchebag cop with a Napoleon Complex.

A professor here at school is a retired cop and relayed to me the different types of people who become police officers:

1. The Fitness Nut: the guy or gal who somehow relives their high school athletic glory days by being a cop. They are all about how they look in the uniform. Being a good or bad cop is strictly a matter of happenstance.

2. The Gun Nut: I think this speaks for itself. The Gun Nut, who is almost always male, is also closely related to the Penis Insecurity Nut.

3. The Righteous Nut: this person has an overwhelming sense of self-importance and truly thinks that the worse they behave towards the general public, the better cop they are.

4. The Drunk Cop: who is actually a pretty okay person who took the job as a way of redemption but at the same time, does not know how to handle the stress better.

Now according to Professor Cop, a police officer can actually be a combination of these varying traits but one is always more dominant than the other. Like the thing about Elvis and the Beatles: you can like both, but you always like one more than the other.

With regards to incident involving Professor Gates, my money is on Cop #3. Then again, I’m not at all familiar with the inner workings of cop-hood and the public perception I have garnered of them over the years is really just boils down to the simplicity of the douchebag cop with the Napoleon Complex scenario.

The new Spanish cabinet has been revealed and for the first time in the country’s history, the women outnumber the men.

To quote John McClane, “YIPPEE-KAI-YAY-MOTHER-EFFER!!”

To think, the idea of equality is not yet dead in the world! The mere thought of it makes me all giddy and ready to turn cartwheels and handsprings. And that, in itself, is still a sad commentary on the world.

Of course, we know the reasons why for the inequality: women opt of out high powered careers for sake of family and children, women are passed over in favor of men by nature of their extra X chromosome, and women in most places of this planet are still deprived of their most basic human rights, or to put it another way, the men in those regions are still afraid of the vagina.

So while 9 women in the Spanish Cabinet outnumber the 8 men who have been appointed, you still have to balance that 9 against the following:

World wide, at least 60 million women and girls are “missing” from their native population.

4 million women and girls are trafficked annually.

An estimated 1 million children who are female in majority, enter the sex trade each year.

90 million women and girls in Africa have suffered female genital mutilation.

So yes, I’m still freakin’ thrilled that the women in the Spanish Cabinet outnumber the men. It’s an important number to remember. But then so are the others.

As I am sure many a blogger has asked him or herself: What is the proper etiquette when dealing with stalkers?

I’m noticing a myriad of potential ethical issues that might arise when planning a good defense against a whack-job-nut-bag-full-of-bonkers. Some examples:

1. Is it right and proper to to publish the identity of a STALKER in your blog when they refer to themselves as “Anon” or “Anonymous” yet have their full name in their email address? How about when they use their own likeness as an Avatar?

2. If that STALKER has a particular bent, say they are overtly religious, is it right to retaliate by submitting their email address to as many atheist or pro-choice organizations as you can find?

3. If your STALKER is just a big ball of crazy, is it inappropriate to submit their information to mental health organizations that may help them “deal” with their issues?

4. How horrible would it be, really, to pay the teenage neighbor kid (who is quite the hacker) to create an evil-evil worm to email to your STALKER?

…or should you take the high ground and just invite your STALKER into a chat room where you can sit down virtually over a cup of Second Life coffee where they can discuss their “secret pain” ?

Of course, I’m joking…I know it’s best to just ignore and not engage your STALKER. I know that it is just better to block your STALKER from your blog and to not email them directly because you really don’t know what you’re dealing with…

But seriously, where’s the fun in that?

Haiku on Your Imminent Demise

Oh, fat troglodyte

Take care. If you fall downstairs

I will laugh. A lot

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Haiku on the Noisy Gag-Toy We Hid in Your Cubicle

Some worship silence

I worship annoyance and

Smile as you go mad

Ho.Le.Crap! I couldn’t believe it when I read a news story this morning about a Wisconsin Right to Life group mailing over 40,000 plastic fetuses to local Racine residents to mark the anniversary of the legalization of abortion.

What the ever livin’ hell was that about? Aside from it being a religious expression of facism…

One resident on the receiving end of these plastic political action figures remarks how offended she was by the act while the project chair of the group had hoped that residents would take it “in a positive way”.

Are you kidding me??? In what way is mailing a plastic fetus to someone of whom you know nothing about, personally, politically or otherwise, considered a positive act?

I support free speech in all forms, even when I find it to be utter bullshit and reprehensible, but some one is going to have to explain to me how this stunt is covered under the First Amendment.

Oh, crap, another female libido drug is currently being tested by medical facilities across the country. For Dog’s sake, people! When are researchers going to give up on this nonsense? Not every problem can be “fixed” by pharmaceuticals.

Every time I hear about another one of these drugs being tested, it reminds me of this guy on my college fencing team who believed this bullshit story about a man who would, while having sex with his wife, touch her breast whenever she had an orgasm and proceeded as such so that eventually, all he had to do was touch her breast (sans sex) and she would have an orgasm for him.

Uh, can you say Urban Myth?

I remember the first time my teammate laid that story on me, I told him that clearly he had never had sex with a women before. Seriously, because no sexually active man in his right mind AND in a healthy relationship is going to buy into that garbage.

My point being: You can’t treat the female orgasm like it was Pavlov’s Dog! If science (and women themselves…unless they’re faking it, and then shame on you, girls!) hasn’t proven by now that female arousal is infinitely more complicated than that of a man, then you haven’t been paying attention.

Sorry, gentlemen, but you’re just going to have to do the work. You too, ladies. Anything else is just lazy, and quite frankly, bad manners.

What the hell happened to the news over the weekend?

I go onto my cnn.com today and it seems like they aren’t reporting anything else other than crimes against women. First up: a deranged ex-con in Georgia has more than likely murdered a young female hiker. Secondly, a guy in Texas called the police to report that he had killed and cooked his ex-girlfriend. Next up: a Florida Fire Chief is circulating topless photos of a car wreck victim. And lastly, a man in New York, has confessed to killing his wife on his girlfriend’s birthday last year (for what? as a present?).

I really and truly hope this is all terrible coincidence and not an indication of the year to come.

And then of course, I read about women hosting Taser Parties. Starting to make me think that maybe these parties aren’t such a bad idea…

Welcome to the week, ladies…