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An oldie but exceptional goodie from the brilliant mind at Indexed



I’m a sucker for a mystery. Not as in novels, I actually don’t care for the genre in literature. And mystery movies don’t exactly do it for me either. It’s more akin to simply enjoying a story that does not have an end. Or is missing it’s midddle. Just enough so you don’t have all the facts and are left wanting for more.

Whether it’s Amelia Earhart, raining frogs, Raoul Wallenberg, the Black Dahlia, The Mary Celeste, or Jack the Ripper, I frantically beg that people don’t find them, don’t solve them, don’t examine them, and in general just leave the story the hell alone! I like my mysteries intact.

So it is with anticipation that I hope no one comes forward to solve this interesting case of a perfectly functioning piano left in the woods off Cape Cod. It’s a little romantic, a little creepy, definitely strange, and a perfect late fall mystery for me to ponder.

I’m always surprised at people who complain that TV shows and movies are too violent and weird when the nightly news regularly seem to blow both out of the water.

Is it just me or does it appear the world is getting progressively more twisted? A serial bunny killer is loose in Germany. Feet are washing up in Canada with shoes attached but not the foot’s owner. Or this guy who faked heart attacks to get out of paying restaurant bills and cab fares?! And another female soldier is missing from Ft. Bragg, NC (what the hell is going on down there there is a constant stream of female soldiers being murdered?).

And unfortunately, I could go on from there.

Whatever, dude, blow up some cars and and bring on the cops looking at dead bodies on the tube. At this rate, it is entirely more benign than what’s actually going on in the world today.

Oh, Vladimir, now what is this business with redirecting your warheads at Europe? And over a silly little missile defense program no less…

…sheesh, is this what a girl has to do to get your attention?

I know it’s hard letting go, but we both agreed it was for the best. Just because you’re no longer President doesn’t mean I’ll love you any less once you’re Prime Minister.

And that thing with Poland and the Czech Republic are just flings, dalliances, really, they mean nothing to me.

You know my heart belongs to you.

Now be a good boy and stop picking on those former Soviet states. You just point those nuclear missiles back over here at the US where they belong, and let me fix you a nice drink, ‘kay?

The REVEREND Mike Huckabee this week fielded a question that asked for his thoughts on the economic stimulus package that passed in the house. He ruminated about whether borrowing more money from China to give to Americans so that they could go out and buy products made in China was a good idea. He wondered aloud whether this stimulus package was truly benefiting America or benefiting China.

Dammit. I cannot tell you how much it bothers me when someone I dislike has a really good point to make.


In Amsterdam, there’s been a fight over a tree. Not just any tree, but THE tree that gave Anne Frank comfort and about whom she wrote of in her famous diary during her family’s enclosure in a house while hiding from the Nazis. The current drama is that the tree has got a disease. It is so diseased, that there is tremendous concern the tree will fall into the house that the Frank family was sequestered in.

Activists have won an injunction against removing the tree and a support frame will be constructed to uphold the tree very shortly.

Hmmmmm…moral quandary….save tree? or save house?

As if that is even a valid question? I can be as much a tree hugger as the next moe, but are they kidding me? Save the tree? Sure, I love trees, they flesh out a neighborhood, make excellent hideouts from parents, and make an even better point of attack for would be assailants (yes, I was as rotten a kid as I am a rotten adult), but given the choice between saving the tree or saving the house, my decision is clear: rip that sucker out of the ground and commence making compost out of it.

The unfortunate thing about the tree is that it is too abstract to understand its importance on the Richter scale. It is serves as a symbol and given that people can barely observe the symbol of traffic sign, I think asking them to understand the symbolism of a tree is a bit of stretch. Besides, efforts are under way to clone the tree and really, doesn’t cloning just solve everything?

But let’s consider the house for moment and its’ potential loss. What would be lost if the house were to go away? Aside from the revenue generated by the one million visitors that go to see it every year, what do you lose? You lose something that is very necessary and in very short supply. You lose tangible perspective. You can walk around a house. You can see and touch the bookcase that hid the entrance to the attic. You can walk the creaking floor boards that the Frank family learned to walk like young Grasshopper in Kung Fu, when the tyke could walk across sand without leaving a single foot print. You can smell the claustrophobia of too many people sharing cramped living quarters. You can look out the window that Anne herself looked out of and see the world she could no longer be a part of. You can get a feel for the house and its general sense of imprisonment which makes the writings of a young girl whose mind is so miraculously set free that much more compelling, heartbreaking and infinitely tragic. So utterly effen tragic, that I think there is no doubt where loyalties should lie.

Sorry tree, but this is a battle you will ultimately lose.

What the hell happened to the news over the weekend?

I go onto my today and it seems like they aren’t reporting anything else other than crimes against women. First up: a deranged ex-con in Georgia has more than likely murdered a young female hiker. Secondly, a guy in Texas called the police to report that he had killed and cooked his ex-girlfriend. Next up: a Florida Fire Chief is circulating topless photos of a car wreck victim. And lastly, a man in New York, has confessed to killing his wife on his girlfriend’s birthday last year (for what? as a present?).

I really and truly hope this is all terrible coincidence and not an indication of the year to come.

And then of course, I read about women hosting Taser Parties. Starting to make me think that maybe these parties aren’t such a bad idea…

Welcome to the week, ladies…

I just had the most disturbing conversation with a friend this weekend. I was telling my friend about a political writer who had just written an excellent article on female genital mutilation and my friend interupted me to ask what that was.

Whha, wha, wha, what?

This is a college educated woman with a post graduate degree and no freakin’ clue that 100 to 140 million women have had their business destroyed by this barbaric practice, that young girls are constantly dying from it, and that another 2 million young girls under the age of 12 are at risk for it as well. How the hell can she not know this stuff?

Simple. She doesn’t listen to the news anymore. Too depressing.

Apparently this came about 5 years ago. She found the world news was really stressing her out. So…she turned it off. No radio, tv, internet, or newspapers. She’s done. And she honestly believes she’s happier for it. She recommends it to her friends.

I mean, really, people, WTF??

Sure, I turn off the news every once in a while, like when I’m on vacation, but to turn it off entirely? There’s elections coming up, how do you make an informed decision? And just because the problems of the world freak you out, ignoring them doesn’t make it all go away either. How do you turn it all off and remain a citizen of the world?

Her answer: She’s not trying to live in the world, just live in her own.

I refuse to accept this as an acceptable way of life. This is a woman who just returned a large number of her children’s toys made in China because they are tainted with lead. Her husband was laid off for six months because his accounting job was sent to India. Further, she’s Jewish with a sister living in Israel. You can’t ignore the rest of the world, it’s pretty much in your freakin’ face 24/7. I get freaked out and pissed off about world events on pretty much a daily basis, but at least I try to channel that rage by living a certain way, voting a certain way, and using my consumer dollars a certain way.

Whether you or I like it or not, we are living in the Global Village. And as such, acting like the creepy weird guy in the house on the corner, who never comes out, who doesn’t mow his lawn, collect his mail, has a million cats running all over the place, and who calls the cops anytime someone stands out front commenting on what an ugly house that is, doesn’t make for a good neighbor.

It makes you a creepy, weird guy living in a scary, crappy house.