I’m curious, do Vampires discriminate?

I ask this because with the movie of Twilight beginning its apparent world domination, all my favorite movie review sites are spewing up cinematic Vampire lists left and right spouting their two cents on Vampire Sexiness. If you think about it, this is a strange departure from Vampire cinematic origins. It seems that the creatures have morphed from the monstrous and creepy (1922’s Nosferatu), to the dark and elegant (anything with Bela Lugosi), irrevocably on to the young and eternally hot (basically all Vampire films since the 1980’s).

fat_dracUm, excuse me, but where’s the vampire with the beer gut, truckers hat, and ill-advised mullet hair? Or the undead sporting back fat? How about a night stalker with a double-chin? I’d settle for an archfiend with a unibrow and unattractive mole. I’m talking realistic, statistical population distribution which means some of the undead ought to be sporting muffin top.

Of course, this begs the question: Do Vampires only pick beautiful people or does the act of turning Vampiric turn one into a smokin’ hot babe?

Oh, sure, we’ve all heard the psychoanalysis regarding Vampires, sex and death, and the preference for us all to have sex with hot persons and perhaps this is the basis for the idealization of hot heathens, but fact of the matter is ugly people have sex too.

While I take a rather perverse joy in the thought of the freakishly beautiful being damned for all eternity, I think it’s high time the Sexy-Ugly of the world claim to their place in the Vampire dominion. I say it’s high-time for fair cinematic representation of the ass-hags of the world!

Yeah, I’ve so totally lost it. You can blame it on reading 2000+ pages of this “Twilight” hoo-ha.

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