1. If you really are worried about men not taking you seriously, maybe you ought to reconsider the micro-mini, fishnet stockings, see-through blouse and come-fuck-me-pumps.

2. In addition to #1, you also ought to re-think hooking up with the Dirty Man-Whores who like to kiss-whathaveyou-and tell.

3. Failing #1 and #3, Dirty Man-Whores are best engaged only on the very last day of a long conference trip and only then as a last resort.

4. If employing #3, do also employ the necessary armor and while we’re on subject, you might want to double bag it…and use Lysol…and make sure your shots are up to date.

5. Walking three miles in uncomfortable heels does you no favors.

6. Neither does taking off said heels to expose your stank-ass feet.

7. Prodigious amounts of giggling and saying the word “like” incorrectly and frequently does not help with #1.

7a. Especially after you invited a general horde of conventioners up to your hotel room for Kahlua shots. 

7b. And while we’re on topic, Kahlua shots? Seriously

8. And if all of the preceeding is just too much for you to handle, maybe you ought to consider staying home next year.