It’s an unspoken rule that most couples have: The 3. The three people with whom you receive an automatic Get Out of Jail Free Card from marital fidelity should you ever, in this sphere of existence, get the opportunity to shag one of the people on your list.

Last we spoke/joked about it, Sailor Man’s three were: Lauren Graham from “The Gilmore Girls” (he’s got a thing for her nose, I don’t ask), pop-star Gwen Stefani, and culinary Diva, Nigella Lawson.

If you’re not familiar with Nigella Lawson, she’s a British food editor, cookbook author, and cooking show host, who’s all curvy gorgeous and has the saucy personality that suggests pulling one into a the pantry for a quick tryst whilst making a fabulous chocolate torte. I totally get Sailor Man’s attraction. Watching Lawson’s midnight raid of the refrigerator during the credits of her show is darn near pornographic.

So I’m feeling rather protective/defensive/p-o’d regarding the recent scrutiny of Lawson’s decision to hire a personal trainer. No, she’s not been out drunk driving, shooting up heroine, cheating on her spouse, or being miserable to her employees, she’s hired a trainer and this somehow opens her up to attack.

This one particular article about the subject was written in such a way as to suggest being positive and supportive, but really, with the picture and article content (they pull out a picture of her now and nearly 10 years ago), the author clearly means to jump on the slam-wagon.

I don’t know why I’m so pissed about this so hang on while I go on a rant here for a minute: First, there’s dozens of reasons one hires a trainer and it doesn’t all revolve around concern of thigh circumference. Second, so freakin’ what if she has? If I wanted to learn tennis, I would hire a tennis pro, if I knew nothing about exercise, I would hire a trainer. It’s the damn smart thing to do. Third, Lawson’s of the age where most women have entered menopause. I can’t tell you how many women I used to train during “The Pause” because exercise is known to provide many women relief from their symptoms. Not to mention, weight bearing exercise also helps ward off osteoporosis which at the age of 48, Lawson could certainly be concerned with.

And really, look at the pictures again. Everyone looks bigger and heavier in a photograph, especially when you’re hunched over (like Lawson is) and wearing knits. Hell, I’m a big, muscular type of girl and I look like a cow in most pictures of myself. I think many people would be surprised to meet Lawson in person and see she isn’t as “heavy” in person.

madonna.jpgnigella129.jpgHere’s a thought, let’s compare pix with another London-based celebrity of the same age: Madonna. Sure, you could bounce a quarter off her ass, but she looks drawn, tired, dry, and she looks like she really needs to eat a water buffalo, okay, two. For a woman whom most of the world sees as decadent, she looks to me like someone who doesn’t get much joy out of life. Looking at a “now” picture of Lawson, and I can’t get past the gorgeous face, amazing hair and lush skin. This women glows and no doubt, with pleasure.

I admit I balance on the edge of that knife. I get older and keeping the weight off gets trickier, but at the same time, splitting a slice of “chocolate bomba” while making “9 1/2 Weeks” jokes with Sailor Man is simply a sensory delight I won’t deny myself. Most days I practice moderation and on rare occasions, I practice outright gluttony. I think I’m at the point in my life where I’d rather kvetch about the 10 pounds I’d like to lose as opposed to skipping the extra glass of terrifically yummy red wine.

And it works for Sailor Man. So what else do I need?

So let’s end this on a hypothetical note: If you could have an amazingly hot body until the day you died but would have to give up your sense of smell and taste buds (I mention both because they are so intricately linked) would you do it? Is that a sacrifice worth making?