The Miss America pageant occurred over the weekend, and thank Dog, failed to drum up the appropriate amount of business despite its “racier” proceedings this year. Pageant officials are still scratching their heads and wondering why.

Why? Maybe because women have wised up to the fact that despite a “platform issue”, when they see a woman perkily strutting a stage in a swimsuit and heels being judged for her dimensional closeness to that of a Barbie doll, she thinks to herself: “Wow, this is really demeaning”, that or they see young women who are really battle veterans of cosmetic warfare resulting in a dubious victory of image and soullessness that any women watching the pageant can’t or wouldn’t want to achieve in her lifetime.

Either way, women aren’t buying into it anymore. And men? Well, it puzzled me why they would be interested in such tripe to begin with and the only conclusion I can conjure is that the Victoria Secret cataloge is much more portable to the bathroom than the television set.

Isn’t it interesting that the decline of the Miss America Pageant coincides so nicely with women getting more involved in the political process? And if you can tolerate listening to my knuckle-dragging brothers, they find this yet another infringement on territory that is rightly the MALE DOMAIN.

So my suggestion to them would be this: we women will continue to vote out more men and vote in more women, and in return, we’ll let you men have the Miss America Pageant. And any male politician voted out of office or failing to claim an office from a broad gets an automatic ticket to the finals.

It’ll be fabulous! I would love nothing more than seeing Rudy Giuliani with a sprayed on tan and tape on his ass to hold his swimsuit in place. In lieu of hairspray, he’ll be provided with spray-on hair. John Edwards and Mitt Romney of the Impeccable Coifs, can duke it out over baton twirling. And any dude who takes on Susan Collins and/or Olympia Snowe in a general election will be excused from the opening dance number.

As you can tell, I have a rich and varied fantasy life.

Seriously ladies, isn’t it time as women to just call it a day on the Miss America Pageant and devote our talents towards more worthwhile endeavors?

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