A common misconception in life is that blonds have all the jokes told about them. As a redhead, I can attest to the fact that this is not true because one, redheads don’t often let the teller of the joke have additional opportunities at re-telling it, and two, redheads just better know how to keep 50% of the population occupied thus leaving blonds ample time to further mislead people with other urban myths.

Despite these facts, however, I have managed to amass a fairly decent collection of jokes. Here’s some from my repertoire. There’s many more but not all of them bear mentioning. Some are silly and some are downright true, okay, most are downright true.

So to my little titan haired friend at the grocery store who tugged on my hair last weekend and asked why there aren’t more of us, I say this: because we are few, we are a privileged few, we band of sisters, and we won’t be ignored….

How do you know when a redhead has been at your computer?

There’s an ax embedded in the monitor.

What’s safer, a piranha or a redhead?

A piranha, they only attack in schools.

What do you call a redhead with an attitude?

Normal.

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart if you’re a redhead?

Through his ribcage.

What’s the advantage of a blond over a redhead?

You can at least ignore a blond safely.

What’s the difference between a redhead and a lawyer?

There’s some things even a lawyer won’t do to people.

How do you get a redhead’s mood to change?

Wait 10 seconds. 

What’s the difference between dating a redhead and putting your hand in a blender?

There’s always a 50/50 chance the blender isn’t on. 

How can you tell when a blond is satisfied in bed?

Who cares? How can you tell when a redhead is satisfied?

She unties you.

An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.“Well,” says the old fellow, “I just got married to a twenty-five year old redhead. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love.”The policeman looks at the old man and says, “You shouldn’t be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!”The old man says, “I know! I’m crying because I don’t remember where I live!”

…fire in the hole…

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