Cowgalutah who is doin’ time in, wait for it, UTAH!, memed me. And since I am feeling ever so charitable this holiday season and since this is a topic I think I can really dig, here’s my go at it:

The Rules: I like this one because it is fairly simple. Write down things or people who make you suspicious. It could be a hundred things it could be nothing. I could go on, and on, and on with this, but I’ve kept it as short as my attention span.

Things/People I am suspicious of:

  • I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I am suspicious of religious fanatics of all denominations. In fact, True Believers in general tend to creep me out unless it is the true belief in the Monroe Doctrine or the Prime Directive.
  • People who have “Precious Moments” figurines in their homes. I think those things come alive at night when those people sleep, crawl into their ears and eat their brains.
  • People who proclaim to “believe in angels”. I think they must have “Precious Moments” figurines in their homes.
  • Anyone who can’t name the Speaker of the House, the Minority Whip, the Secretary of Defense and at least 3 foreign leaders.
  • Anyone who is constantly on a diet.
  • Anyone who doesn’t drink, eat chocolate or consume coffee. Unless you have that weird enzyme defficiency or an allergy.
  • Anyone who wears white pants without getting them dirty.
  • Women with too much plastic surgery. Actually, I think they just freak me out.
  • Men who wear pinky rings!!
  • Men who claim they “really respect women” but then only date pop-tarts, blow-up dolls, and other inorganic material.
  • As much as I love it there, Iceland makes the list because it is too clean, the people are too nice, it’s all too perfect and it all seems too Stepford Wives-ish…
  • Did I mention “Precious Moments”? I don’t like the way those things look at me.
  • Anyone whose business title includes any of the following words: Congressman, Senator, Alderman, Councilman, President, Speaker,  Justice, Judge, Officer, Secretary of (Insert Title), Mayor, or Presidential Candidate.
  • People who have decorations for every single holiday (unless it’s for Guy Fox Day!), especially those inflatable ones that park on the lawn…oooooh, creepy….I don’t mind admitting I have nightmares about those things.
  • Anything containing the ingredient Soylent Green…

Okay! Now the fun part. I am enlisting the Eriepressible Emma, Eatin’ Vegan Melissa, and Fretting Andrea Frets as the tagged would-be memers! I think their responses should be enlightening, amusing, terribly witty and together will cure Restless Leg Syndrome . Don’t let me down, sisters! I believe in you!

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