First, let me extend a happy belated 55th to my ruthlessly sweet, delectable Mr. Putin.

Secondly, we have important issues to ponder today: What do you get a dictator for his birthday?

Aside from a population increase of few million, a crap-load of new military hardware, and apparently the arctic sea floor, I must admit, I’m a little stumped.

I was considering offering Vladimir the Prime Ministership so he could serve in a top government function for the obligatory year before making his second run at the Presidency, but what would be the point? He’s a smart and resourceful guy, I’m sure he has that covered.