Gentlemen: if I may, I would like your attention for a brief moment.

I lift at the downtown YMCA. I’m pretty much the only woman in the weight room 99% of the time. I’m a powerlifter, so I happen to lift some pretty serious weight by relative comparison to the men. This of course, makes me a lesbian.

So I’m doing my chest workout the other day, flat bench, incline, decline, flys and I’m lifting more than all the skinny, young, white boys combined. I ask a random guy for a spot, the man obliges, I thank him profusely, and we make small talk.

“Thanks for the spot. This is really hard to do without a lifting partner.”

“Oh, you mean your girlfriend?”

“No, I mean my husband.” Jackass!

The look of on his face was not one of embarrassment as it should have been, but one of shock that I have a spouse. Now, come on people, I thought we were beyond this? This is post “Alias” and “Terminator 2”.  I mean the Williams Sisters have been playing tennis for how freakin’ long now? Just because a chick has muscles does not a carpet muncher make. The rise of the Lipstick Lesbian somehow has not defeated the notion of the athletic woman not being gay.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, as Seinfeld would say. It’s doesn’t bother me being called a lesbian because a man calling me one does not invalidate who I know myself to be – A chick who can kick you ass! And I know a great number of lesbians (as can be confirmed by any lesbian who understands the title of this entry) and they’re all lovely women who could all probably kick you ass too. It’s just that I’ve been fielding these types of dumb-ass, ignorant remarks for years now, and calling a strong woman a lesbian is still considered the equivalent of calling a strong woman a defective human being. Which isn’t true, obviously, but it’s still the intent behind the remark.

Here’s the thing: it’s not that I’m insulted as a heterosexual woman, or that I would be insulted if I were a lesbian women (and FYI – I’d be a proud one that’s for damn sure), it’s that I am insulted as woman – period. My athleticism, or any other woman’s for that matter, is not a comment on my sexuality. Idiot.

In my younger, saucier days, when someone was blazen enough to ask me if I was a lesbian, I would reply “Sure, why not? A round of lesbians for everyone!” to their utter confusion. Now, it’s just tiresome. My husband tries to tone it down by saying “Maybe they think you’re hot and by being a lesbian, you would be super-hot.”

Honey, nice try, but I’m not buying it.

Here’s the thing, guys, if you see a women lifting an impressive amount of weight, or, has significant muscle tone, just offer a compliment on her figure and/or lifting ability and leave it the fuck alone.

That way, I won’t have to kick your ass…although, if I can speak on behalf of lesbians, you deserve one anyway.

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