I’ve been getting headaches lately. Bad ones. Since I’ve gone 34 years without them, this new development is simultaneously starting to both worry and annoy the hell out me. Not so much that I have them, but more that since I’ve turned 30, I seem to be falling apart.

It all came to a breaking point two weeks ago when at work , after developing a real doozy of headache, I went home for lunch and quite literally passed out for two hours. I went back to work long enough to vomit, twice, and then try to drive myself home. I couldn’t see, I couldn’t focus, cut-off a truck driver (sorry, dude), vomited in a parking lot (sorry, building owner) and missed the turn to my house no less than 4 times.

Time to call in reinforcements. Went to Sailor Man’s place of business where he promptly hauled my sorry self to the hospital across the street. One CAT scan, 10 cc’s of compazine, a lot blood work, and a serious shot of narcotics later, I was human again.

I go though the usual battery of questions Have you had any head injuries? Do you drink alcohol? Notice anything strange and out of the ordinary lately? Well, since I have four siblings, I’m Irish and last I knew, Dick Cheney was still alive, so of course I answer yes to all of the above.

I’m told I am having common migraines. Whaaaa???? I know people who have migraines and this can not possibly be happening.

So on I go to the Family Doctor. Dr. Murphy from County Kildare, Ireland. I love this guy. I see him about my migraines and he proceeds to try and talk me into taking up boxing after asking me how much I can bench press. Unfortunately, this is not a joke.

So I am sent back to the hospital for an MRI. Small brain aneurysm at some point, but nothing serious, looks old, probably not what is causing my headaches at all.

Whaaaaaa???? You tell me I have potential bleeding in my brain and but that’s not causing these headaches? WTF??

So now I am left with my diary. I must now track everything that is happening around the time the headaches begin to see if they are potential “triggers”. This sucks. I really rather it were a brain aneurysm behind this because that at least is tangible and doesn’t force me to examine my life and change what kind of toothpaste, dish soap, or hair gel I use or some nonsense like that. And if it comes down to having to give up dark chocolate or coffee, well, then life simply will not be worth living.

I remember an art show I went to back in the 1991 where the theme were pieces by artists who suffered from chronic headaches. Dark, grim, morbid stuff. There was this one image that has stayed with me throughout the years and I’ve spent the last two weeks tracking it down.

At the time I remembered thinking about the artist who painted this picture saying “sucks to be him”. Funny how things turn out.