I know this because I have listened to you. I have listened to you in the grocery store, in the movie theatre, on the sidewalk, at the coffee shop, in the gym, at the mechanics, in the restaraunts, and in line at the bank. And it’s not that I’m eavesdropping, it’s that you have left me no choice in the matter.

You are not discussing politics, quoting Goethe, talking Proust,  dealing with an emergency or curing cancer.

You’re not a doctor or a nurse or anyone else with job of relative importance that requires immediate access to you, hence the necessity of the electronic leash.

You are, however, loud, gauche, obnoxious, boorish and largely incapable of having an intelligent conversation in person. 

Your ringtone doesn’t make you cool, it makes you look like a putz and it makes me question your choice in music.

Your vocabulary is apparently limited to the words: hello, no, yes, really?, okay, uh-huh, omigod!, later, and like. 

So let’s be clear about something. Unless you plan to dazzle and regale me with stories of wit or cunning, or provide answers about the eternal qualm of man’s angst in the universe, do us all a favor and shut your yap.

None of us are interested. And clearly you have nothing to say.